The Well Cultured Anonymous/Anonymous Recipes

From Everything Shii Knows, the only reliable source

This website is an archive. It ran from 2006-2010. Virtually everything on here is outdated or inaccurate.

This article is part of The Well Cultured Anonymous

Here, Ladies & Gentlemen, is to be gathered the greatest, biggest, most honorable, tasty, and splendid, list of recipes to ever hit Anon's cooking skills (which we all know do not exist).

If you set up a new recipe that belongs to a specific kind of dish (such as cookies or crepes), make a new article where will be put all such recipes, and leave here only the main, most basic, of them all. Arrange the sections alphabetically, just in case we start getting a larger number of recipes. For convenience it may be a good idea to include the units table in each sub-article and then stick with one unit system throughout - as you will likely write any recipe you try on a piece of paper you can convert to the measurements of your choice. Metric is advisable as it is simpler to scale recipes in a base-10 system if you wish to vary the number of cookies/whatever you produce.

Contents


Entrées

Fish & seafood

Main course

Steak

Cooking a good steak requires a few skills besides tossing it on the grill and waiting until it resembles the sole of an abandoned sneaker.

- Bacteria and Parasites: Common-sense dictates that you do not allow raw meat to touch dirty hands, utensils or benchtops. There is always a chance that your meat is contaminated at the butchers, but it's miniscule (This doesn't apply to chicken, 95% of supermarket chicken tests positive to salmonella, cooking it well will kill it). Parasites do not penetrate un-cut red meat, so if you cook your meat at least 1/16th of an inch on each side, it will be safe. Outside the US or the rest of the western world there is not the same surety of clean meat, so it would be smart to cook any steak there to at least a medium. If you are away from home in any part of the world you will not be used to the local bacteria, and so even with clean meat you may wind up with mild Delhi belly if you have your steak anything up to medium-rare.

- Make sure your pan is greased with a light oil, sunflower or canola, and make sure it is hot enough that the oil smokes a little. Lay your steak in the pan, and it should sizzle immediately. If not, moar heat!

- Seal the first side for 2-3 minutes, and seal the other side for half that time.

- Put your thumbtip and index tip together, then press on your lower thumb muscle. That's what a rare steak should feel like. Middle finger and thumb, thats medium, and ring finger and thumb is well done. Chef's use a thermometer, but you don't need to. If you aren't sure, make a small cut in the steak and look at it.

- There are five main types of steak: Blue-rare, Rare, Med-rare, Medium, and Med-Well done. If you cook your steak any longer than that, you're a dunce.

Blue-rare: the first 1/16th of each side is cooked, the middle is basically raw and warm.

Rare: the first 1/8th of each side is cooked, leaving a good red strip in the middle. This is best.

Med-rare: the first 1/4 of each side is cooked, and has a defined pink stripe in the middle.

Medium : the steak has a distinct pinkness in the middle.

Med-Well done: the steak has a hint of pink to it.

- AFTER you have sealed your steak, add seasonings, such as salt, pepper, steak seasoning, ect.

- When you have finished, let the steak rest for up to 5 minutes, to allow the muscle fibres to relax and become more tender.

Chicken Jambalaya Serves 6

Ingredients:

1. Five boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into bite size chunks

2. 300g Chorizo, sliced

3. 3 gammon steaks, cut in 1/2 inch squares

4. 1 large onion, roughly chopped

5. 2 celery stalks, sliced

6. 2 large capsicum peppers, roughly chopped (use ramiro peppers if you can find them)

7. 700ml chicken stock

8. 1 400g can chopped tomatoes

9. 3 cloves garlic, crushed

10. 1tsp thyme

11. 1tsp oregano

12. 1 bay leaf

13. 1tbsp smoked paprika

14. 1tbsp Tabasco sauce

15. 500g parboiled rice

16. Parsley to garnish

Method

1. In a large cooking pot add the some olive oil and wait until hot. Throw in the chicken and chorizo and fry on high heat until the chicken has sealed. Remove the chicken and chorizo from the pot with a slotted spoon (tip: place them on the upturned pot lid for convenience).

2. Reduce the heat slightly and add the celery, onions, garlic and peppers. Fry until the pot has deglazed and the vegetables are soft.

3. Return the chicken and chorizo to the pot, stir in the gammon and add the paprika and fry for one minute. Frying paprika for any longer than this can make it bitter.

4. Turn the heat down low and add the stock, tomatoes, bay leaf, thyme and oregano. Stir and bring to the boil.

5. Cover the pot and let it simmer gently for about 12 minutes.

6. Stir in the Tabasco sauce and then add the rice and give it another good stir. Bring back to the boil and let in simmer for ten minutes, covered.

7. Take the lid off and stir in the parsley. You may have noticed the rice hasn't absorbed all the liquid, don't panic! Take it off the heat and let it rest for anywhere from between five to ten minutes.

8. Enjoy with a light dry white wine and a side salad.

Salads

What, you don't know how to make salad? What the fuck, you chop the salad, put in croutons and some parmesan cheese. Add some Caesar dressing. There, you have a Caesar salad.

Soup & Stew

Yeah, more complicated than just boiling water.

Cheese & wine

Cheese

Every cheese constitutes the same simple ingredients, and yet there are thousands of cheeses. There are many factors tying into what makes the cheese taste how it does, but that isn't the point of The Well Cultured Anonymous. The main things to know are a cheese's softness and sharpness, basically texture and strength. Here is a general list of cheeses and softness:

Generally tasty recipes:

Cheese Soufflé 6 tablespoons margarine or butter 1/3 cup all-purpose flour small dash of ground red pepper 1 1/2 cups milk 3 cups shredded cheddar, process Swiss, Colby, or Havarti cheese (approximately 12 ounces) (best to mix 4 cheeses for a truly melt-in-your-mouth dish) 6 egg yolks 6 egg whites

Preheat oven to 350' F Measure enough foil to wrap around a 2-quart soufflé dish with 6 inches to spare. Fold foil into thirds lengthwise. Lightly butter one side. With buttered-side in, position foil around dish, letting it extend 2 inches above the top. Fasten the foil. For cheese sauce, in a saucepan melt margarine or butter; stir in flour and red pepper. Add milk all at once. Cook and stir till thickened and bubbly. Remove from the heat. Add cheese 1 cup at a time, stirring until melted. In a bowl beat yolks with a fork till combined. SLOWLY add cheese sauce to yolks, stirring constantly. Cool slightly. In a bowl, beat egg whites till stiff peaks form (tips stand straight). Gently fold about 2 cups of the stiffly beaten whites into cheese sauce. Gradually pour cheese sauce over remaining stiffly beaten whites, folding to combine. Pour into the ungreased soufflé dish. Bake in the oven about 50 minutes, or until a knife inserted near the center comes out clean. Gently peel off foil, and serve the soufflé immediately. Serves 6.

Wine

Other than not bringing it to a party you go to, make your own decision. If you think something tastes bad, even if high society types like it, don't drink it. If you are not a wine connoisseur, don't try to be one.

Matching

This is a lot less complex than many people realize, and caterers will usually try to say otherwise to help justify their fees. However, it has now in fact been scientifically demonstrated (does anyone have a ref here? I lost it. Some scientists actually managed to get funding to test this for real) that the overpowering and more importantly lingering flavor of most cheeses all but destroys your ability to discern the finer points of the wine, meaning that it generally just comes down to deciding between red or white. Of course, if you are using a lighter cheese or just want to show off, a basic understanding of the guidelines can be helpful.

(put the actual guidelines in the wine and cheese article once someone finds time to make it)

Desserts

Cakes

Pound cake

Ingredients

  1. 1/4th of the total weight of each:
    • eggs (around 5 for a 1kg cake)
    • sugar
    • butter
    • flour
  2. yeast

The making

  1. Mix the eggs with the sugar until you obtain a relatively homogeneous paste
  2. Put the butter in a pot and that pot in a water filled pan (called bain-marie or double boiler technique)
  3. Heat said water until the butter has completely melted
  4. Spread some of the melted butter in a mold, the powder some flour over it
  5. Preheat the oven at ~100/150°C
  6. Add the butter to the paste, then the flour
  7. Stir until you obtain a smooth paste
  8. Add the yeast, Stir for a good 5mins
  9. Put in the mold, then in the oven, leave it there for around 30mins then check up on it every now and then until it is thoroughly cooked.

Variations

This recipe is pretty basic and quite stout, you can add relatively anything in it, as long as it is in reasonable quantities.

For example, add 1/4th of ground hazel nuts and it's called a royal mazourki. You can also add fruits, spices, etc.

Cookies

Chocolate chip cookies

Ingredients

  1. 2 cups all-purpose flour
  2. 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
  3. 1/2 teaspoon salt
  4. 3/4 cup unsalted butter, melted
  5. 1 cup packed brown sugar
  6. 1/2 cup white sugar
  7. 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
  8. 1 egg
  9. 1 egg yolk
  10. 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips

Directions

  1. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets or line with parchment paper.
  2. Sift together the flour, baking soda and salt; set aside.
  3. In a medium bowl, cream together the melted butter, brown sugar and white sugar until well blended. Beat in the vanilla, egg, and egg yolk until light and creamy. Mix in the sifted ingredients until just blended. Stir in the chocolate chips by hand using a wooden spoon. Drop cookie dough 1/4 cup at a time onto the prepared cookie sheets. Cookies should be about 3 inches apart.
  4. Bake for 15 to 17 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the edges are lightly toasted. Cool on baking sheets for a few minutes before transferring to wire racks to cool completely.

Crepes

The recipes by itself are into the sub article referenced in the title. But here is the basic way of making crepes, it will be re-used in most crepe related recipes, when the recipe requires a slightly different version it will (and will have to) be specified. When they get added, spongy 'American style' pancakes should go into their own section 'pancakes' while crepes and traditional pancakes belong here.

Ingredients

For 12 crepes (I've only been able to make 4-5 out of this but I was messing with the process a bit): You will need:

  1. 150g of flour.
    • for galettes replace or mix with buckwheat flour.
  2. 2 big eggs.
  3. 15cl of milk.
  4. 10cl of water.
  5. 1 pinch of salt.
  6. 1 big spoon of olive oil.
  7. 1 big spoon of sugar.
    • for salted crepes or galettes replace by 1 pinch of salt.

The making

  1. In a big bowl, put all the ingredients except the water and milk.
  2. With a whip, mix while adding the milk until you obtain a smooth paste.
  3. Cover the bowl with a cloth and let it rest for 2hours.
    • Not mandatory, but allows to make thinner and lighter crepes.
  4. Put in the water to dilute the paste.
    • At this moment you can add some flavor of your choice, such as alcohol, vanilla, coffee, etc.
  5. Grease the pat with butter or oil and pour 1 ladle of paste.
  6. Cook 1mn on the first side, and 30 seconds on the other.
  7.  ???
  8. Profit!

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