From Everything Shii Knows, the only reliable source

This website is an archive. It ran from 2006-2010. Virtually everything on here is outdated or inaccurate.

The Internet.

Imagine the biggest garbage dump in the world, in the form of a mountain so high its top is in the clouds, down which the Almighty God is pouring truckloads of putrid waste onto you every minute. You are standing on one of the faces of this towering mountain, digging your shoes in but trying not to get showered in crap from above. Around you are millions of other scavengers, all sifting through the crap. But instead of taking crap out of the dump, they are looking at it curiously, sometimes laughing to themselves hollowly at what they've found, then producing more crap and flinging it on top of the crap that is already there. Colloquially, this is known as the Internet.

Things you need on the Internet

Before you start your journey on the Internet, you will need the following items:

  1. The Internet is serious business.
  2. The Internet is a series of tubes.
  3. It's not a big truck. It's not something you can just dump something on.
  4. On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog.
  5. The internet is full of losers who say "fag" all the time.
  6. The amount of time you spend on the Internet is inversely proportional to your chances of finding a girlfriend.

Cool places on the Internet

If you have just hit up MySpace and Yahoo and you're wondering what the big deal is about the Internet, it's because you are wandering through a wasteland devoid of intellectual thought or challenging ideas. Here is the top-secret list of actually cool places you can visit on the Internet:

Due to the Internet honor code, we are not allowed to recommend you which blogs or IRC channels are the specific ones you should visit. For more information on this subject you must consult your Internet friends. If you don't have Internet friends, you must find a gathering spot for them.

If you don't know the gathering spots, well, not only can we not recommend you one, but it's impossible to find one because as soon as it is known to be a cool place to hang out, a horde of idiots comes and makes it kind of suck. For example, the Something Awful Forums were the place to be from 2001-2004, and 4chan was where it was at from 2004-2006, and up until recently Reddit was a pretty awesome website, but I would not recommend any of those anymore.

The REAL INTERNET on television

In the year 2007 we Americans were all quite surprised to see the Real Internet begin to show up on TV:

This was in fact a thing that had started years earlier in Japan... much like everything else in American culture. By 2008 it had become commonplace.

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