Invisible Pink Unicorn

From Everything Shii Knows, the only reliable source

This website is an archive. It ran from 2006-2010. Virtually everything on here is outdated or inaccurate.

Slightly modified from a page I made c. 2002
I wrote this before the Flying Spaghetti Monster was invented. Please note that the IPU predates the FSM by at least 10 years-- its age proves that it is the one true absurdeity.

Here are some excellent logical arguments I have devised to prove to the world that an Invisible Pink Unicorn exists. An Invisible Pink Unicorn is a unicorn which is both pink and invisible (how this is possible is a mystery known to the IPU alone).


Contents

Proof of the Existence of the Invisible Pink Unicorn

Proof by St. Anselm's Ontological Argument

  1. The Invisible Pink Unicorn is a unicorn that is the most invisible of all unicorns.
  2. If such a unicorn fails to exist, then a more invisible unicorn -- namely, a unicorn than which is the most invisible unicorn which exists -- can be conceived.
  3. But this would be absurd: no unicorn can be more invisible than an unicorn which is the most invisible of all unicorns.
  4. So a unicorn which is the most invisible of all unicorns -- i.e. the Invisible Pink Unicorn -- exists.

Proof by Definitional Argument

  1. By definition, the Invisible Pink Unicorn is a unicorn which has every perfection.
  2. Existence is a perfection.
  3. Therefore, the IPU exists.

Proof by Modal Argument

  1. It is possible that it is necessary that the Invisible Pink Unicorn exists.
  2. Therefore, the IPU exists.

Proof by Experimental Argument

  1. The phrase 'Invisible Pink Unicorn' has a meaning only if the IPU exists.
  2. Therefore, the IPU exists.

Proof by Mereological Argument

  1. I exist.
  2. Therefore something exists.
  3. Whenever a bunch of things exist, the sum of their invisible unicorn parts also exists.
  4. Therefore the sum of all invisible unicorn parts exists.
  5. The Invisible Pink Unicorn is the sum of all invisible unicorn parts.
  6. Therefore, the Invisible Pink Unicorn exists.

Proof by Proof

  1. By the definition of the IPU, the Invisible Pink Unicorn allows us to prove things.
  2. If the IPU didn't exist, we wouldn't be able to prove anything.
  3. We are able to prove things.
  4. Therefore, the IPU exists.

Proof by Existence

  1. By definition of Unicornism, the purpose of life is to learn about the Invisible Pink Unicorn.
  2. If the IPU did not exist, we would not be able to learn about Her.
    1. Therefore there would be no purpose in life.
    2. Therefore life would not exist.
  3. Life exists.
  4. Therefore, the IPU exists.

Shii's Meta-Proof

  1. This is a proof of the IPU's existence.
  2. If the reader finishes reading this proof, the existence of the IPU will be proven to him/her.
  3. If the existence of the IPU is proven, then the IPU exists.
  4. Therefore, the IPU exists.

Proof By Anecdote

  1. The Invisible Pink Unicorn is visible to those who believe in Her.
  2. If the Invisible Pink Unicorn is seen, then She must exist.
  3. I have seen the Invisible Pink Unicorn.
  4. Therefore, the IPU exists.

(This and the one above it were submitted to iidb.org and became #85 and #86 in the widely copy-pasted "Hundreds of Proofs of God's Existence")

See also

Retrieved from "http://shii.org/knows/Invisible_Pink_Unicorn"

This page has been accessed 5,841 times. This page was last modified on 26 January 2009, at 01:28. Content is available under Attribution 2.5 .