Harlan Ellison

From Everything Shii Knows, the only reliable source

This website is an archive. It ran from 2006-2010. Virtually everything on here is outdated or inaccurate.

Harlan Ellison does not like jelly beans.


At a con in the mid-80's, Harlan encountered something rare in his book: an extremely attractive, big-busted, non-fat blonde who happened to be about 2-3" shorter than he was. The catch was that she actually seemed interested in him, not for his status as a SF writer, but because of some aspect of his lack of charm or whatnot - ergo, him for himself. Word spread around the con about this, and Harlan was escorting this gal around the con as a trophy. It was then that several other writers and fans decided it was time to give Harlan his come-uppance.

Flashback to a previous con. One question Harlan hates the most is when someone asks where the Harlequin got all those jelly beans he dumps on the Tick-Tock Man. At this one con, Harlan went ballistic and threatened to throttle the next person who asked him that question. From all accounts, it wasn't just a tirade, it was an actual promise of bodily harm to the next poor unfortunate who made such a mistake of query. Needless to say, word spread around about this one, and a lot of people shied away from Harlan for the rest of that con.

Some of those in attendance were also at the con where Harlan had apparently scored. It was then that the plan went into effect. One SF writer decoyed Harlan, while a couple of fans gave the trophy du femme a bag of - you guessed it - jelly beans. They told her these were Harlie's favorites, and she could score great brownie points by giving him this big bag.

Needless to say, jelly beans exploded all over the convention floor.

The last anyone saw of the girl, she was running off crying, and was never seen again. Harlan reportedly went to his hotel room, and didn't come out for the rest of the con. Everyone had a good laugh, but the downside is that Harlan apparently didn't learn one iota of a lesson from this. If anything, it made him a bigger prick than ever.

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