Dave Eggers

From Everything Shii Knows, the only reliable source

This website is an archive. It ran from 2006-2010. Virtually everything on here is outdated or inaccurate.

Dave Eggers is a poor and petty writer.

Dave Eggers anonymously slanders his critics

One of Eggers' friends, Heidi Julavits, wrote a book that was rather crappy. In response, it was given poor reviews on Amazon. Eggers was not pleased. He decided these poor reviews had come from one of his foes, the "Underground Literary Alliance". So, he wrote this anonymous review in response:

The Truth, August 27, 2003.
Reviewer: A reader from St. Louis, MO
Readers beware: Heidi Julavits is one of the editors of The Believer, a new book review. In a recent issue, they ran an article about something called the Underground Literary Alliance, which is basically two guys who can’t get their fiction published. Because they’re so frustrated, they spend lots of time saying that anyone who does get their fiction published is “well-connected” or such rot. In their view, no one in the world who’s been had a book out in the last couple decades deserved to. They have been known to disrupt literary readings, and to send threatening mail to writers. They’re pretty much the crazed stalkers of the literary world. One of their tactics is to get on Amazon and make psychotic claims about every living author’s unworthiness to have their books in print. Because Julavits published an unflattering article about the ULA, she's being singled out for special punishment by these sad little loonies. So please ignore the strange reviews on this page. This book lives up to all of its great reviews. It’s one of the best books of the year.

Well, first off, the language of this review speaks for itself. Can you count the individual lies and deceptions? I'll do it for you:

  1. Eggers fails to disclaim his connection to The Believer-- he is the editor.
  2. Eggers fails to disclaim his connection to Julavits-- he is a personal friend.
  3. He claims the bad reviews come from ULA members-- they do not.
  4. He claims the ULA regularly writes anonymous reviews on Amazon-- they do not.
  5. He claims the ULA consists of two guys-- it does not.
  6. He claims ULA members have never been published-- they indeed have.
  7. He claims the ULA has a vendetta against all published writers-- it does not.
  8. He claims the bad reviews come in response to an article about the ULA-- they do not.
  9. He claims the bad reviews are "punishment"-- they are not.
  10. He claims the article was unflattering-- it was not.
  11. He claims the book is one of the best of the year-- it is not.
  12. He claims he is writing a review-- he is not.

People who like McSweeney's are insane

Gary Baum kept a weblog of Dave Eggers' exploits in 2002. He got e-mail from Eggers fans, who are insane.

"Hello, Dave/Gary," the first e-mail began. "I see Dave has taken up skywriting over Santa Monica. Cheers, Andy."
"He thinks I'm Dave, so he's going to play some sort of McSweeney's-type game [said Gary]. Let me show you the little interplay we went through. This is the typical weirdo-type person. 'Dear Andy: As you may know, I live just north of L.A. What skywriting are you referring to?' He writes back: 'If you're Dave, you know. If you are just an aspiring journalist/writer, then you are on your own.' Okay, whatever. 'Dear Andy, I don't play cryptic games on email.' And he writes: 'If you want to be a journalist when you grow up you might to learn how to get stories without being spoonfed.' I could go and deal with this or I could just move on and get away from the weirdos. So that was it with us. We haven't discussed anymore."
What did Andy want?
"I guess he wanted me to research some skywriting thing he did. Or Eggers did. Or I did, because he thinks I'm Eggers. You notice how I get weirdos. Sometimes I get the weirdest crap--and then I look at the address and it's from a college professor!"
Eggers, Teen Idol. n+1 issue 1, fall 2004

Theory of a Friend's Friend

Elliot B. told me about an interesting theory of a friend of his. It goes like this:

Nobody has read both A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius and You Shall Know Our Velocity.

It's true. I think what it proves is that some people may enjoy the plotline a single book of Dave Eggers but nobody is willing to stand the horrid writing long enough to make it through another book by the same guy.

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