Copypasta dump

From Everything Shii Knows, the only reliable source

This website is an archive. It ran from 2006-2010. Virtually everything on here is outdated or inaccurate.

I am the Bel of my Air.
CTRL+C is my body, and CTRL+V is my blood.
I have reposted over a thousand posts.
Unaware of post limits. Nor aware of flood protection.
Withstood bans to ruin many threads.
Waiting for one's arrival.
I have no regrets, this was the only path.
My whole life is Unlimited Copy-Pasta Works.

Copypasta is simply put, prefabricated memetic text, made with the sole purpose of being promptly copied, modified, pasted and posted (not necessarily in that order). This article holds a collection of the most commonly-found specimens.

Contents

Heartwarming black dude story

It was my second year of college and I was walking back to my dorm one night (I attend UC Berkeley and it's fairly open to the rest of the town, Berkeley, itself) and I wasn't with anyone and it was a more secluded, quieter, darker side of campus.

So, anyways, out of nowhere comes these 2 white kids (Just like me) with a knife, demanding I hand over my money. Just as I'm doing this (I'm 6'8" 240 but I'm not going against a knife) some black guy rounds the corner behind the white kids. He just goes "WHAT THE FUCK?" and pulls a gun out of his waistband. First thing I think is "Oh fuck we're all dead" but he just approaches the kids, tells em to put the wallet, cell phone and the knife they had on the ground. They do and then they ran. The guy just tucks the gun back in his waistband and smiles at me. I was kind of nervous but really fucking thankful, so I offered him some cash for possibly saving my life. He said "No, I'm fine. I'll get my payment eventually. There's benefits to being a good guy, right?" I nod and laughed at him.

However, right before I left he asked if he could use my cellphone. I handed it over and he made a call. Turns out he was on his way to Christmas shop and had forgotten the list so he needed to call his uncle back and recheck it.

I have never met another human being like that again. He changed my perceptions of minorities forever.

This is not copypasta

Letters to /b/

NBC.com Forum Administrator

Greetings, Good People,

My name is Michael Bennett, and I am a forum administrator for the National Broadcasting Company's (NBC) official website, www.nbc.com. We understand there are some frustrations at this website about some recently aired material on NBC, however, we are very disappointed in the manner in which you are expressing your displeasures.

We would like you to immediately suspend your attacks on our forums. It would be greatly appreciated. This is our only warning we are issuing to you. If you do not adhere to this warning, we will take whatever means necessary to make sure our forums are cleared of your spam, legal or whatnot.

Thank you, and God Bless.

Michael Bennett NBC.com Forum Administrator

Slight Bel-Air Twist

Slight Bel-Air Twist Greetings, Good People,

My name is Michael Bennett, and I am a forum administrator for the National Broadcasting Company's (NBC) official website, www.nbc.com. We understand there are some frustrations at this website about some recently aired material on NBC, however, we are very disappointed in the manner in which you are expressing your displeasures.

We would like you to immediately suspend your attacks on our forums. It would be greatly appreciated. This is our only warning we are issuing to you. If you do not adhere to this warning, we will make sure your mothers become afraid and'll say "You're moving woth your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air". After this, you must whistle for a cab. Our company will bring a cab with a licence plate with the text "Fresh" on it. We have made sure the trip will be awful, as we have picked the most smelly cab driver we could find. After this, you will be a nigger. George Walker Bush is a murderer. Fucking U.S.A

Thank you, and God Bless.

Michael Bennett NBC.com Forum Administrator

Dear heathens

Dear heathens:

I've come to voice my anger against this atrocious "website" of yours.

I've heard a lot about 4chan. You guys have a Cockmangler who supposedly is really intent on giving other men fellatio, a pedophilic bear who likes little girls, and pictures of women with feces-excreting, phallic-shaped nipples. You brutally attack, through your words, African Americans, Native Americans, women, Jews, Arabs, homosexuals, and many other people who are not like you. You say that we should kill all undocumented citizens in the country. You host the most brutal pornography I have ever been unfortunate enough to see; most of your Korean "hentai" pushes the limits, especially the one with a underage girls getting raped repeatedly. You tell unsure people asking for advice in times of dire need to perform anal sex as a solution for everything. You're the least politically correct site on the entire Internet.

To top it all off, you also are the source of all illegal cybercrime. What the hell goes through your mind? Believe it or not, there are children using computers, too.

I would like to inform you that if you don't lighten your act, I'm going to have to make an online petition to take this website off the face of the Internet.

So, what is it going to be? I know people in Congress who can get move this website away from the children and any sensible person who wouldn't want to see this trash. My 11-year-old would be scarred for life if she saw the content on this website.

With an extreme amount of hatred and malcontent,

Jonathan Harold Newman Concerned parent

This site is not OK

Name:Christine Carman Email:[email protected],

Dear 4chan

I am a mother of my eleven year old son. I am secretly monitoring his internet activities, because I know there is a lot of dangerous stuff on the internet.

Once I found an URL, http://img.4chan.org/b/imgboard.html,;; in his internet files. I did not think it was something special, but I decided to see what it was. What I saw was horrifying. I saw a very much underage girl with a penis in her mouth, I saw dismembered bodies, I saw people joking about killing, racism, raping children and so on. What kind of people are you? Are you aware of what you are doing? You might have turned my son into a pedophilic torturing murderer! I have forbidden my son to use internet from now on, but there might be many other children being turned into monsters by this! I am going to report this webpage to the police. This page will soon be take away from you sick creeps. If you continue, I will personally hunt you down.

Sincerely,

Angry mother

PS. Shame on you.

LISTEN UP YOU DISGUSTING PIGS

Listen up you disgusting pigs,

I recently logged onto my 16 year old son's computer because I'm having trouble with my office machine. Right on his desktop he has a folder marked 4chan. I figured that it must be where he keeps his animay movies, but I opened it up and was HORRIFIED by what I saw. It was laden with child pornography, dismembered limbs, and all around deviant, sickening images. You people let my son onto your website without ANY age verification, he was looking at things that I never imagined could exist.

I will be filing legal papers soon unless you take down this offensive site or change your policies so that minors may not access it. In addition, I will be petitioning your webmaster to pay for my son's psychiatrist fees, which are going to be substantial considering what I've seen.

Dear /b/, I was arrested

Dear /b/, Around 45 days ago I was arrested.My charges included breaking and entering a motor vehical, larceny and something to do with a bank that I had nothing to do with. Now I DID have something to do with the thefting of things from cars and such. But the bank, of course not, I'm not THAT dumb.It started when I and two of my friends were on our way to smoke a blunt in a nearby town.On the way I made a left at a certain stop sign, instantly blue lights flashed in the mirror, I pulled over and a detective that I knew stepped out and started to talk to me, next thing I knew there were 5 cop cars, I knew I was going to jail. After about an hour of waiting on the curb, handcuffed and sweaty, we were taken to my apartment where they searched and found many stolen things. Soon we were taken to another county where I found out about a bank robbery charge. (My cousin was involved in it) I knew nothing about it. Long story short I was tossed in the same group s they for living in the house. The next day I began attending the small bible study class. And decided to stop doing dumb crap, quit smoking pot and turn my life over to God. I began reading the bible and I prayed about it and just let it go. My $60,000 bond was lowered to unsecured. But there was still another, later we were transferred to another jail for a month. It cleared my mind and helped me to learn about the religion I had once turned my back on. I also began to speak with the officer who arrested me and told him everything I did. Encouraging my friends to do the same and they did, well all but one. God helped me to get out. The charge that was holding me ($20,000 now) was in place by a different officer who wanted us to all stay in jail. My lawyers worked it out so that I could be released. Everything is crazy but out of all this I have a new respect for freedom. Something you can not have unless you lose your freedom. I still have court dates and stuff. More info on such later. I love you guys.

About /b/ and copypasta

Moot sold us out

4chan is going to be sold off. Many of you may think that the site isn't worth the shit it's made of to anyone with a reputation but in fact, I've been recieving offers since December or so.

Recently a major player in Internet communications has approached me. I do not want to name any companies here but I'd like to hint that one of them has a habit of making major acquisitions in regard to major Internets corporations lately. I know what you may think, but they do not really care what kind of material is on the site as long as it brings them renevue. They will most likely run 4chan through a subsidiary. It is as of yet too early to speculate what will happen to the 7 mods and ~150 janitors of 4chan.

The transfer of administration happen in steps during May, after the engineers of the yet to be named company have had time to learn the inner workings and aspects of administrating the server and the forums. We will keep you posted as to the developements and events of the tranfer.

- - 4chan Administration

Bel-Air'd

4chan is going to be sold off. Many of you may think that the site isn't worth the shit it's made of to anyone with a reputation but in fact, I've been recieving offers since December or so.

Recently a major player in Internet communications has approached me. I do not want to name any companies here but I'd like to hint that one of them has a habit of making major acquisitions in regard to major Internets corporations lately. I know what you may think, but they do not really care what kind of material is on the site as long as it brings them renevue. They will most likely run 4chan through a subsidiary. It is as of yet too early to speculate what will happen to the 7 mods and ~150 janitors of 4chan but they will probably be sent to live with their auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

- - 4chan Administration

Chargin lazers

Chargin lazers 4chan is going to be chargin it's lazer. Many of you may think that the site isn't capable of charging it's lazer but in fact, I've been chargin it's lazer since December.

Recently a major player in lazer chargin has shooped my whoop. I do not want to name any companies here but I'd like to hint that one of them has a habit of shooping folk's whoops lately. I know what you may think, but they do not really care what kind of lazer it is as long as it brings them lulz. They will most likely shoop 4chan's whoop. It is as of yet too early to speculate what will happen to the 7 mods and ~150 janitors of 4chan.

The chargin of the lazer happens in steps during May, after the engineers of the yet to be named company have had time to learn the inner workings and aspects of shoop da whoop. We will keep you posted as to the developements and events of the chargin of the lazer.

- - 4chan lazer charger

Anonymous does not need 4chan to survive

Anonymous 05/09/07(Wed)02:41:27 No.26672404

Anonymous does not need 4chan to survive. /b/ lives within 4chan, but is not constrained by it. Deleted? Build a new website. Arrested? They don't have enought jailspace for us. Killed? There's always one more.

Anonymous is legion for a reason.

ANONYMOUS. WHAT IS THAT REASON?

>>26672404

BECAUSE WE ARE MANY.

Quitting 4chan

I've decided that, as of right now, I'm leaving the forums. I have been toying with the idea for a while, but have never understood why. I have never had a concrete enough reason to leave. It's unfortunate, but now I do: I've just outgrown the forum, and I've outgrown the majority of you - with the exception of a bunch of people who know exactly who they are when I say this. I don't really give a f*ck if this post is passed over or ignored - the people who matter will read it and, well, I don't know what, really. I have better ways to invest the limited free time I have. I'm not going to hang around waiting for praise or criticism - I've been doing that for 18 months now and have f*ckall to show for it.

I'm still going to visit 4chan so I can keep in touch with the people that matter. As for the rest of you, well, it's been fun, but it stopped being fun a long time ago and only now am I realising that I should have taken that as a sign to get the f*ck out.

Toodles.

4chan is pathetic

Seriously, anyone who goes and needs to re-look their life.

Especially if you masturbate to the "porn" on there.

Now, I'm not the type of guy who discriminates against hentai... but when it comes to child pornography from children's programming then that's just crossing the line.

The memes aren't funny (with a few exceptions). They're only funny to people with an IQ of 21... and an age of 8.

People need to really re-think of what's funny on the Internet if they think a Black Face firing a laser from its mouth is the funniest thing in the world.

So please, if you're a /b/tard or whatever it's called anyway. You're pathetic and pitiful.

About copypasta/memes

It's fucking Grinman

For fuck's sake... Alright, Word Of Power time. It's Grinman. Always has been, always will be. Not Cockmongler. I'm not saying this towards the trolls who've flooded this thread with Cockmongler shit - they've no hope already. I'm saying this for your benefit - the Anonymous onlooker. You may be new and know nothing about this yet, or you may be old and just plain ignorant. But it's not Cockmongler. It started a few months ago, and it's everywhere. Take it from me. It's Grinman. You don't have to believe me, but I recommend that you do. If you don't, just keep it in the back of your head...the last flickering candle of truth. He's the Grinman. Not Cockmongler. Have some Whitecat too (not Longcat).

Generic dump

Failed An Hero Attempt

hello /b/ im 18 years old and i wish to become an hero. I have been with the same girl for 3 years now and i do not see any point of living without her. this is not some copy pasta shit. look at the date. i am leaving her with this note. she is supposed to be here in about an hour.

You truly are the only thing i've ever wanted in my life. I realize that I cant keep thinking about you and waiting for you. My expectations are too high and I fear that I love you more than you will ever love me. You're so hurt and all I want to do is be there for you just like the old days but it seems that you wont allow yourself to be with me. I still feel like you're trying to hold on to me by telling me you love me but I don't think I'm in your heart the same way as you are in mine anymore. I'm afraid of waiting and rejection. I don't want to be hurt anymore. As much as I don't want to let go, I know I can't get in too deep again. I've already said this about a few times but I have a lot to back me up now. I've been through a lot and I know I can move on with a clear consious. this isn't over because of something I did wrong, or because I gave up without trying. I did try and moving on has been a big hurdle for me to get over. Saying goodbye is so hard this time because i know it has to be real. This hurts so much more than i could have ever imagined. I really thought for a long time that we would be married someday. You are my first and only love, and I will never forget all of the good, and the bad times, all the laughs and all the jokes we've shared. The many places we have gone and all the things we have done. Jessica, you have influenced my life in so many ways and you're the thing that kept me going in the hardest of times. I don't know who I'd be right now if you were not in my life.

with love, Jeremy goodbye /b/

The Guide to Grand Ejaculation

It seems that you need some assistance! I consider it my duty to help you on the road to grand ejaculation.

1. DRINK WATER. Two tall glasses of clear, cold tap water. At least TWO hours before any action.

2. This is a differential one. (A) If you are fapping, fap for an hour, rest a minute and drink another glass of water. Then fap for another hour. (B) Although unlikely, you might find yourself in a sexual situation with another human being. The key here is FOREPLAY. Get her excited, and let yourself get excited, but take it slowly and smoothly for maximum pressure when the time comes.

3. Dietary stuff. Celery is VERY good, but that much celery all at once can mess up your stomach. Drink a glass of milk before binging, but start slowly with your new diet. Easy does it. Pineapple is also pretty neat. The key to volume is not only fluids, but also minerals. Zinc is the solution! Zinc is pretty prominent in things mentioned above (probably. I am not a dietist, I am a pedoatrician.) and guess what is chock-full of Zinc? Spinach. If you feel that this is not enough, take about 40 mg zinc a day, in pill form. Upper limit is 50, but consider the fact that you're shoving yourself full of celery and spinach as well.

4. Physical exercise. Although you might hate it, being fit is good for the WHOLE body. Start doing Kegels. Consult the wikipedia entry for more information.

Remember to do all this in MODERATION.

Pan flute

So, I was wondering how to play the Pan flute. I mean, the Incas and the Mayans have told me that playing it properly can release my hidden talents. *gets a beer* Further more, I woke up in Las Vegas. The flute actually transported me there. As I look on the note that was left on my chest, I looked with a smile as it read " your Heart is your own path ". Then I realized, my heart is torn between wanting love and wanting to be single. I had no idea what to do. So, right then and there, I saw the most beautiful woman in the world and I said "Do you wash your pants in Windex...because I can see myself in them". She looked up at me in her blue eyes and said "Allak mu hash am mill a ghanda miru nakka milodon ish a binruru gahannda!!!". Needless to say, the sex went on for hours until she died of a massive stroke. It was the best 6 min I've ever had with a 92 year old Indonesian woman. After seeing her soul leave her body like worms being hit by a truck made out of glazers and animal rage, I took off.

When her final tears touched my Goldbond soaked face, I passed out. I woke up again in side of a snow covered cave. Not quite sure how I even got there, or how I got these new clothes made out of the local animals and or pubic hair of the Gods, I went outside. I was in the village of HugeBoobOpolis. Lucky for me, it was a custom for the men to walk around with massive boners. I almost came every time I bumped into the girls of the town. I was almost cursing the laws of the world, but in this town, consent is at any age. With the warmth in my heart and the bone in my pants, I went to the village leader. She appeared to be a tan woman. A hott piece of ass that looked like Eva Langoria, but with perfect anime boobies and an ass that could go for days. As the Spanish lute music played in the back ground, I looked at the reds and golds of the room. It was rustic like a log cabin, but soft and mysterious like the Egyptian sands around dusk. I asked the woman if she new about my quest or why I found a place to stay. With her cherry sweet lips and that tone of voice that gives you goosebumps, she said " Butter is a weapon of my firetruck. When you came here, we had midget monkey sex with fire and ice. No one could even comprehend the forces of sexual passion that came from the butt sex. It was like giving birth in reverse of my ass." Not even letting those images even come back into my skull, I flipped out. My arm was clearly robotic at this point and I let out a spray of pepper ball bullets and the souls of baby kittens at them. I looked at all the slaves, monkeys, Tina Turner impersonaters, mimes, and professional cotton growers and said "you think you know my soul? YOU ONLY KNOW ONE THING!! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!!!!!!!!"

I'll always remember the taste of revenge on my lips, and the sent of Menthol KY jelly in my pants. As I came apon the Great Smokey mountains, my Pan Flute began to cry sounds I've never heard before. It must have been Puerto Rican or something. So, I beat it until it shut its fucking mouth. Just like when I baby sit. It was some kind of Palsy. Anyway, thats how I saved Christmas.

I met the master of the Flute. I played it. They were all songs of my journey. Songs like "Sex with the Elderly" "Sex with Hot Girls that I really wish I knew what happened" and finally "The Thong Song". After this, the started to glow (just like Lindsay Lohan) and became a golden Dragon. He looked at me and said "Deal or No Deal?". I said deal. He gave me the greatest gift of them all: Perfect Hair forever.

DaftBrian

Zerged Cho Seung-Hui

We may seek this Cerebrate, Cho Seung-Hui in horror and try to understand this brutal zerg commander and why he committed this atrocity. But beyond why he carried out this zergling rush, I think the more important issue to ponder is how he was able to commit this act. Terra has bred a culture and a perspective of violence and death, and repeatedly prove that they are a dangerous world to live on. These acts of violence have been occurring increasingly in the Terran Confederacy, and despite that they have suffered through tragedy after tragedy, they time and time again fail to do anything to stop it. Cho Seung-Hui was still carrying the larvae from the purchase of the Hatchery he used in the massacre. The fact stands that there is absolutely nothing keeping zerglings out of the hands of psychologically unstable people in the Terran Confederacy. They as a people must address this social illness, take responsibility for it and implement change so it can't happen again. Until this occurs, I will fail to be concerned with the self-inflicted suffering of a people that are too passive to take control of their own reality and destiny. I feel for the 12 SCVs that died and the Command Center that got destroyed in the hands of their own fatal culture, but thats as far as it goes. While we all turn our focus to this one massacre, we need to remember that this same culture is also responsible for the slaughter of what is estimated as being between 5000 to 10000 Zerg units. I hope that this tragedy in the Terran's homeland can help send the message that something is horribly wrong and that the Terran Confederacy needs to change. We Terrans need to rise up to do something about it, because we all know that our government won't.

Clyde the Orangutan

see Clyde the orangutan

FUCKING DRAGONFORCE

Humans can only stand so much awesome, it's in our genetic code. Dragonforce, for example, taps into the unused portion of our brains and unravels a sixth sense to a new level of awesome that humans cannot normally experiance. When you listen to Dragonforce, you are not only listening to music, you are taking a journey to another place, another world that some can never hope to behold on their own. Like a scout sent into an unknown land, a voyager on a quest for the unknown, like a tribal Shaman on a spiritual journey...all society can hope for is that you bring back a piece of what you now have engraved upon your soul, and help free the repressed souls and minds of all civilization.

And totally fucking rock out.

Don't fucking mess with U.S. Embassies

Hear me out:

On August 23, there will be four simultaneous crude chemical detonations (1.1E, 1.2E, 1.4E); all of which will contain carcinogenic and hypergolic liquids: i.e. UDMH-nitrogen tertoxide, UDMH-IRFNA. The time of day these explosives detonate will not be disclosed. The chemical weapons will be airlifted to the U.S. embassies of Nagoya, Leipzig, Jeddah, and Kolkata. Thousands of innocent people will die instantly. Carcinogens will disperse into the atmosphere, contaminating the environment.

This is not only an immediate threat to those within range of the explosives, but it also threatens the stability of the world's ecosystems. This is an environmental terrorist threat, as well as a threat against humanity.

Threadworms

Doubled on Failures. Since Failures is a rather disputable page, I'd put threadworms in their own page and leave it be. For the now, it stays here. - Jack Phoenix 12:49, 3 July 2007 (IST)

I think the most disturbing event of my life happened just yesterday.

I've been chatting with this girl over msn for a while now, and we met a couple weeks ago. (she's ok-looking, sort of like Beth Ditto but not as fat and not as hot) Yesterday we had a date, and after seeing a movie went back to her place, we made out and before long I had my tongue buried in her vag and a finger in her ass.

This is where it all goes wrong.

I pulled my finger out and started licking her anus while gently pinching her clit, I then leaned back a bit while trying to find a comfier position, and was just going to slide a finger back into her ass when I notice something odd.

There's something on my finger. Moving.

At this point I have no fucking idea what's going on, with a closer look I see there's about 6 or 7 small white stringy things (each about 0.5" long) on my finger and more around her ass.

They're all writhing and wriggling.

Horror.

I'm now holding my finger between us, pointing at it with my other hand, I can't speak; she's panting, out-of-breath, and looking at me as if to say "Why did you stop?". When she realises what's wrong she says "Oh..., they're just threadworms, most people have them, they're harmless."

I ran.

4 hours later, I got back home, I washed my hands with bleach and dettol, gargled a whole bottle of mouthwash, swallowed maybe 1/2 a tube of toothpaste.

After showering about 5 times I still feel dirty.

Bonus Features to Threadworms

So I went to my doctor to see if I could have gotten worms from the girl I was with, and he gave me pamphlets and information on it. He also felt the need to give me precautionary pamphlets about sex because I am a teenager. So I took most of it home to read.

It turned out that I really couldn't have gotten the worms from her from what I did. I was still disgusted, and wouldn't be talking to that girl again for a while, but at least I was safe. It also turned out that most people don't have threadworms.

So I'm going about life as usual, and one day I get home from school and my mom is waiting for me. She tells me that she found the sex pamphlets and got scared. She told me that I had to move with my auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

So I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said Fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Man forget it", yo homes to Bel-Air!

Raping By Candle.Jack

Dear /b/,

This is a true story and one that was been haunting me for quite sometime.

When I was nine years old my babysitter raped me. My parents would often go out for dinners and parties on the weekdays when I was a kid and they would always ask our next-door neighbor, Jack, to watch me when they were out. Jack and I had a lot of fun together he was a really good guy, he was on the football team, and honors roll. But one day we were playing hide and go seek and I decided to hide in the basement.

I ran downstairs to out basement that doubled as a study and a library. There was one desk in the middle of the room, which my mother always liked to keep candles on to read by. I dove under the desk giggling to myself thinking jack would never find me. Jack took awhile to come down stairs and when he finally did I fell silent and held my breath as he began to search the basement. When he finally looked under the desk I realized that he was not wearing any clothing.

He found me and looked at me with the most suggestive eyes I’d ever seen. I was too scared to scream but at the same time comforted by them. Jack then ripped me out from under the desk and through me on top of it. He started tearing away at my clothing trying to get to my naked body. I wanted him to stop and in an effort to get him off of me I hit him with a candle. Jack was determined to have me though and continu

EVIL

There is a small island in the Mediterranean Sea that does not appear on any map. It cannot be seen from any other island, nor can any other land be seen from it. On this island is a lighthouse, rotting from age and sea water, which is never lit. There is nothing inside it, save for a spiraling staircase that leads to the top, and an ancient, dusty bookcase.

The case is filled with unmarked books, bound in ancient leather, save for a single space. If you remove a book from the shelf, it will fling itself open in your hands, and the words inscribed in it shall start screaming to the air. You must wrestle the book closed and shove it back on the shelf, or the immortal evil contained within its pages shall break free, and you will be forced to take its place, with pages, ink and binding crafted from your own flesh and blood.

However, if you bring the correct book to the island, and place it in the empty space, the lighthouse will light. As long as it is lit, the world shall enjoy an unending paradise, for all the evil in the world will be contained in the lighthouse. And while it is lit, nothing can go in or out.

The only problem; you will be trapped for eternity with all the evil ever known or conceived, by man or god. And the only way to escape, is to douse the light. If a good person does this:

They will remain bound in the lighthouse for eternity, therefore unending torture etc. What this means is that, eventually, madness will set in, and these evil entities will take over his mind, making him douse the flames, his sacrifice a vain one.

If an "evil" person does this:

He will immediately douse the light, causing the evils to spread across the land, and that's about it.

John McCain wants your CP

Social networking sites and message boards face the same regulatory burden as internet service providers (ISPs) in a new bill proposed by ex-US presidential candidate John McCain. McCain wants sites to report all child pornography to authorities.

Currently only ISPs have a duty to report suspected child pornography-related activity to the US National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. McCain's bill, though, extends that duty to social networking sites, and to all sites that carry message boards.

McCain's proposed law is mainly aimed at sex offenders, but contains the demands on social networking sites within it. It says that site operators who know of any activity relating to child pornography must "make a report of such facts or circumstances to the CyberTipline of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children."

McCain's proposed law says that it applies to any "social networking site, chat room, message board, or any other similar service using the internet."

The proposed law has been read twice by the Senate and must now be referred to a committee for discussion. It says that convicted sex offenders in the US will have to register their online identities with the authorities if new laws being proposed are passed.

If the bill became law it would create a significant extra regulatory burden on many sites, since a wide variety and large number of sites host message boards. The law would likely carry heavy penalties for site operators who did not notify authorities when offending material was posted.

I'm a crazy bitch

Hello /b/.

I'm a shy and reserved girl IRL. I have my reasons why I'm like this. I'm a Manic Obessive. For the past few years, I stalked and coveted a guy that I fell in love with. I stole his cellphone and copied every single number he had, in order to call him if he didn't answer his phone. He didn't know me or knew anything about me and all the things I did behind his back. I watched his every move to see what he likes and everything. Slowly I began talking to him normally and we became best friends. We like exacly the same things, and I do everything he likes. We dated and everything was perfect. We became a couple. We have 2 years together and have him in the palm of my hand. He loves me to death; he would even die for me. I like that. I like it when he says those things, because he is mine. I covet his mere existance. I want it whole. It's mine and nobody elses. I hacked into his email account and found out he is having an affair with a girl from Virginia. I found an email from Expedia, claming he bought a ticket to Virginia. My head hurts; I vomited 4 times and I have a high fever. I'm shaking so bad right now and I don't know what to do. I want him to be all mine, he is mine. He will never leave me. I want to make sure of that when he comes out. He'll NEVER leave me.

What a nice thief

Dear /b/, Yesterday I was having very pleasurable sexual intercourse with my girlfriend. We were my room. In the middle of this, I noticed a strange man dressed in black with a skeemask and a gun standing in my hallway. He was holding my new plasma television, an item I had to work for serval months to save enough money for. My girlfriend was ontop of me, facing my direction, and as such did not see him. I asume he expected me to take some for mof action agaisnt him, but I was enjoying my intercourse far to much. So I made a subtle gesture to him to carry on. My girlfriend would did not notice this either. Over the next half hour I saw him carry serval of my most prized possesions away. He was putting them into what I asumed was his automobile, I later found out it was mine. He drove off about the same time me and my girlfriend wrapped it up. She noticed that my stuff was gone pretty quickly. I told her the truth, expecting that she would respect my honesty. She told me that I was "A motheringfucking dumbass" , and dumped me. The man who stole my things later returned wit hmy car. He pulled my bike out of the back and road off. I was going to jump in and g oafter him, but I noticed he left a note in the car. It read "I couldn't bring myself to steal EVERYTHING from a retarted person". I decided not to call the cops on such a nice guy.

so, /b/ , anything I can do to get my Girlfriend back?

Single parent of a 15 Year Old Daughter

I'm a single parent of a 15-year old daughter. She appears to be quite active with her masturbating. I want to ask your advice. About 6 months ago I happened to walk past my daughter's bedroom late at night and heard a buzzing sound. I stopped and stood silently close to her door to try to figure out what it was, and soon I realized that she was probably masturbating with a vibrator. I have absolutely no sexual desires toward my daughter, but I was very surprised and somehow spellbound to just stand there listening to her. I could hear soft moans and occasionally more audible sounds that indicated she was orgasming. I was shocked and amazed at how long she went on; probably for close to an hour (with numerous apparent orgasms).

The next day when she went to school I stayed home to look around in the room, and eventually I found a box with several sexual aids behind a pile of sweaters in a closet. I was just stunned at how seriously she seemed to be experimenting with masturbation. The massager I had heard had several different attachments for clitoris massage. There were also several dildos of different shapes and sizes and various oils and lotions. But the most disturbing was a big pile of e-mail printouts, correspondence between her and a married man in his 40s in Canada. I spent some time going through this material, and the bottom line is that she had posted an ad for a sexual pen-pal a year ago and started an e-mail relationship with this guy. She writes about being constantly turned on and describes in detail how she masturbates and what her orgasms feel like. The guy encourages her to try new ways to make herself come stronger and more easily. It turns out he sent her all these things that she uses on herself. I got the impression that they guy is not really attempting to meet her, but who knows what it may yet turn into.

I am thinking about somehow approaching my daughter about her sexuality, but I haven't decided how to do that without disclosing that I know what she is up to. It would be nice to know what other people think about all this.

Catpeople in my Manga

Wow. Just wow.

One of my friends came over an hour ago and brought his new girlfriend with him.

She was decent looking (not fat or pasty or pimply or wearing a KAWAIILOL shirt) so I greeted her nicely and we all just hung out for a while, talking about this and that.

About thirty minutes after they arrived my two cats wandered into the living room and the girlfriend lets out this scary as hell shriek. At first I thought she was horribly allergic or something, but then she grabbed my friends arm and started babbling about how cute they were and that they'd make SUCH A PERFECT COUPLE IF THEY WERE CATPEOPLE IN HER MANGA and which one she'd make "uke" and "seme" (one is a big gray monster of a cat and the other is a sleek little brown spotty tabby). Well, she said more in a less intelligible way, but that's about what I got from her spiel.

She stopped babbling after a couple minutes and just looked at me, giggling. I stared back for a second and before I could stop myself I said "Get the fuck out." I didn't yell it or anything, but I sounded pretty cold.

The incident ended with her crying and my friend calling me an ass and storming out of my apartment, dragging her along behind him.

Should I be feeling bad right now?

Santa Rape

HEY /b/ IT'S ME SANTA.

I'M IN SOME SERIOUS SHIT THIS TIME. I ONLY DELIVERED PRESENTS TO A FEW HOMES WHEN I CAME TO THIS QUITE COTTAGE. WHILE I FILLED THE STOCKINGS OF THE FAMILY, I NOTICED A YOUNG GIRL, NO MORE THAN TEN CERTAINLY, RUBBING THE SLEEP OUT OF HER EYES TO GET A BETTER LOOK AT ME. "SANTA?" SHE ASKED, STARTING TO SMILE. "UHH...HO HO HO! WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING UP AT THIS HOUR?" I ASKED. I SO DESPERATELY TRIED TO IGNORE THE SWELLING OF MY RATHER BULBOUS MEMBER AT THIS POINT, BUT...SHIT /b/ SHE LOOKED SO INNOCENT AND CUTE. I HAD TO HAVE HER. I ASKED HER TO SIT ON MY LAP AND TELL ME WHAT SHE WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS. A CURIOUS GIRL, SHE IMMEDIATELY NOTICED THE GROWTH BULGING FROM MY TIGHT RED PANTS. I SAID THAT SHE COULD HAVE ANYTHING IN THE WORLD IF SHE COULD DO SANTA THIS ONE FAVOR. "JUST PLAY WITH IT.." I ASKED OF HER, RELEASING MY JOLLY MANHOOD. HER EYES WIDENED AS SHE CAUGHT SIGHT OF THIS FESTIVE COCK. HER LITTLE HANDS SET TO WORK STROKING ME OFF. "UMM...LIKE THIS SANTA?" SHE ASKED, PUZZLED AS TO WHAT SHE WAS DOING. THE SNOW WHITE PRECUM THAT HAD FORMED AT MY TIP LET HER KNOW SHE WAS DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT. BUT I COULDN'T JUST SETTLE FOR HER GENTLE TUGGING. I WANTED TO SEE JUST HOW GOOD SHE'D BE...

SHE WAS PERFECTLY OBEDIENT AND SHED HER PAJAMAS AT MY WORD. HO HO, I COULD BARELY CONTAIN MY LOAD AT THE SIGHT OF THIS PETITE ANGEL. HER LEGS WRAPPED AROUND MY PLUMP WAIST AND I SLOWLY BURIED MY THROBBING HARD-ON INSIDE OF HER TIGHT CONFINES. "OOH SANTA, IT..IT HURTS!" SHE CRIED. I EASED UP FOR HER, TAKING EVERYTHING SLOW. I MUST HAVE STRETCHED THE POOR GIRL'S WALLS SO WIDE TO BE ABLE TO FIT IN MY 10 INCH FROZEN PECKER. I POUNDED AWAY FOR WHAT FELT LIKE HOURS, BUT WERE REALLY ONLY MINUTES BEFORE COVERING HER IN SEASONAL SEED, LEAVING HER WHITER THAN THE COLDEST POINT IN THE NORTH POLE. COMING TO THE REALIZATION OF WHAT I HAD DONE, I THREW THE POOR GIRL A WII AND GOT THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. I SKIPPED OVER EVERY HOME ON THAT STREET AND GOT THE FUCK BACK TO THE NORTH POLE. IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME NOW. SHE'LL TELL SOMEONE /b/ WHAT OTHER FAT, JOLLY MAN WITH A WHITE BEARD COULD HAVE DONE THIS TO HER? SHIT, I'M SO FUCKED...

Nyoro~n

Alright, /b/, it's time to get something off my chest in the one place I won't be held accountable in any way, shape or form. Half the people reading won't believe it, and the other half couldn't do anything about it if they wanted to (which they don't), so I'm safe here in the legions.

In the past few hours I have posted various links to the "bpost" program, or embedded it in rar'd images for people to download. However, every one of these links has had a trojaned program inside it - it works fine in that it posts nyoro~n, but it also has a nasty side effect.

Basically, it runs in the background wiping the sectors of your hard disk. Next time you boot your computer, it won't start. Depending on how long you've been running bpost.exe, you may even get errors while you are running Windows now.

The moral of the story is this - DON'T FUCKING FLOOD /B/ WITH NYORO~N OR ANY OF THAT SHIT, YOU DICKHEADS.

Found my porn HOW DO I GET OUT

Yesterday at around noon, I had been extremely bored for the past couple of hours. So, despite all the temptations to just jerk off to my manga, I decided to go to my friends house and hang out. We started to play pokemon and that got boring, so he suggested doing prank calls. I honestly have never done any prank calls, though I have seen most of the Girl Talk raids. He called the local gamestop and asked if they had any ps4's. I kinda cringed at the low brow humor, but I wanted to try. He gave the phone to me. I had no idea what to say. He just told me to think up of some ridiculous story. Being the /b/ that I am, I decided to act like I misdialed and I was calling my girlfriend or something. I, sadly, have no girlfriend and never had, so I have no idea what couples talk to each other like. He told me that he was going to download a random number, so it wouldn't be anyone that I knew. Phone rang, person picked up, I started to talk. "Hey, how you doing?" There was a pause. "So, are we gonna fuck tonight?" Another long pause, then the phone hung up.

I went home at around midnight, and my mom was in the living room sitting by the light. She seemed a bit upset, but I had no idea why. She looked at me and then asked, "What have you been doing?". I started to think to myself OSHI-, my friend must of called my house, that douche. "Uh... I have been hanging out at my friends." "O really.." My Dad walked into the room, and he looked pissed off too. I know they must of knew it was me. I'm dead. Then my mom started off, "I found these magazines in your room. we seriously need to talk about these." It was probably the weirdest feeling in the world. The feeling relief that you weren't in trouble for something you did, and the feeling that you have just been caught with porn.

So now I'm locked in my room. How do I get out?

D&D Scenario

The beautiful Princess Thalyncuntel, daughter of the Elven king Elevandorlythen, is a fuckin' slut. Regardless, every single member of the party wants to fuck the living shit out of her hot Elven arse, pooper and all, and spray her with their interracial, multicolored love potions (IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT). But there's a problem, a huge problem.

Due to the recent outbreak of the deadly virus dubbed AIDS in the underground Dark Elven province of Ayphrika, the princess has unfortunately been corrupted by the niggardly fluids of a Dark Elf and has caught the disease. This merely hinders the party's goals in regards of time, these bastards want to shove the shank REAL soon or their Balls of Blue Tinge +1 will explode in a painful array of blood, gore and semen, and that's never any good.

The party find themselves in a dungeon on the Far East side of Faerûn after following the advice of an old crone outside of an inner city brothel (where Tom's mum works). They are informed that the cure to AIDS is hidden deep within the dark recesses of this evil dungeon, guarded by a mighty troll and his band of personal guards. The old crone warned them that the dungeon was part of an old deserted Dark Elf barracks which was burnt to the ground in an effort to try and rid the land of AIDS. She warned that there are creatures that still lurk in the depths and that the disease is rife amongst them.

The usual basic rules are used in this scenario save for a few new ones, specifically created for this very scenario:

• All monsters in the dungeon are infected with/have aids poisoned weapons. If a character gets aids, they must roll 2d6 before each turn. One determining if any damage is inflicted and the other determining how much damage. The same rules for poisoned weapons are used for enemies with AIDS poisoned weapons. • The dark elf character (in the event of there actually BEING one) has aids, regardless. His motive is to secretly hinder the party as the backstabbing nigger he is and get to the cure before them all. The Dark Elf is also affected by the AIDS damage rule in that before every turn they must roll 2d6 from the beginning of the game, naturally.

William

hallo William, you have no new messages Current mood: indescribable

This life can't be good on the soul. Isolate from everyone and everything head-first into my work. The topic couldn't aid in my health either... "Truth" by Felipe Fernandez-Armesto, "On Truth and Lie in an Extra-Moral Sense" by Friedrich Nietzsche, "Robot: Mere Machine to Transcendent Mind" by Moravec and lastly "Robot Evolution: The Development of Anthrobotics" by Rosheim. These test the fortitude of a mental image called purpose I've placed on my life. Sometimes I wonder what I'll be like in six years from now. If I keep consuming this material I just might go crazy with pure understanding and achieve knowledge meant for God alone. Part of me wants to just escape my fate. Thats why I leave AIM on, have a myspace and check my voice mail. Its almost like I want someone to save me from me it all. There have been those people in my life from time to time. When ever I become engrossed with my work and find the motivation to finally break down the human being into a formula; something tosses a female or a tragic event my way and I get off track. When I got close to the breaking point; that point is deciding that all humans are evil creatures than need to be whipped clean from the face of the planet, I find a girl that wants to spend time with me. Currently there have been six major evolutionary steps in my mental development. All of which have had their chapters closed by a girl I knew leaving me or a tragic event such as a death.

Either God himself wants to keep me from my future out of compassion, or Satan wants to keep me from reaching the understanding of true faith.

M&M's Champion

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:

M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A.

along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

SQUAD BROKEN (saved from /tg/)

As soon as he heard one of his comrades scream "SQUAD BROKEN!", Eduardo the Space Marine knew that he was doomed. He charged forth in a panic, firing his plasma gun wildly into the air. Somehow the orks had surrounded them! Eduardo's teammates ran shrieking into the depths of the abandoned tanker, the grunting lustful orks in swift pursuit. Soon Eduardo was alone.

The brawny Space Marine collapsed against a wall, panting raggedly. His plasma gun had nearly overheated, and his com units were malfunctioning. No use even if they worked. By now, his whole squad was surely dead.

Lost in his thoughts, Eduardo did not hear the ork creeping up on him. Stunned by a blow to the head, Eduardo was thrown violently to the floor. The ork grunted in amusement, bending down and straddling his body. Dazed, Eduardo turned his head to look up at his enemy. The ork fellow was huge, well muscled and even attractive for his species. Right now the ork's vibrant green skin was flushing dark in arousal. Eduardo whimpered as he realized what was about to happen.

Summoning up his powers as a Blood Angel, Eduardo bellowed in the Black Rage and began to flail about under the ork. The ork simply grunting, riding the panicked Space Marine like a rodeo bull. Already weakened, Eduardo simply did not have the strength to dislodge the much heavier ork.

All that thrashing around served to arouse the ork further. His name was Gurk, and the friction as the puny Marine flopped around between his muscular thighs was giving him quite a respectable hard-on. Gurk had meant to save the Marine for his own squad, but he couldn't wait any longer. Whipping out his own plasma gun, Gurk seared off the back of the Marine's armor, leaving his shining buttocks bare to the ork's lustful gaze.

Eduardo moaned in fear, his virgin asscheeks clapping firmly together to deny the ork entrance. Gurk simply laughed, ripping off his crude orkish loincloth to reveal a thick green meat pole, nearly 12 inches long. The ork stuck one calloused finger down his throat, bringing up a thick vomit slurry which spattered down into the crack of Eduardo's ass. Smearing the foul vomit around with one brutish paw, Gurk prepared the Space Marine's tender anus for playtime.

Much to Gurk's frustration, his cock was simply too large to fit inside Eduardo's tight man cunt. He grunted furiously, screaming "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" in his deep orkish voice as he battered his fuckmeat against Eduardo's tightly sealed pleasure ring. Suddenly the Space Marine's portal gave way, and the swollen head of Gurk's cock popped through into the forbidden halls of his anus. Gurk's pleased snort was drowned out by Eduardo's scream of agony.

The ork began to pump away in earnest, his bulging muscular hips and thighs slamming brutally against Eduardo's ass. His heavy, furry balls slapped against the human's ass merrily, creating a calypso that pleased Gurk mightily. Blood, a thin smear of feces, and Gurk's own oily yellow pre-cum lubricated Eduardo's asshole until it was as hot and slippery as Gurk's own mother's cunt.

Poor Eduardo was swiftly going into shock from the pain. His mind growing dim, he screamed "SQUAD BROKEN! SQUAD BROKEN!" over and over as the ork thrust brutally into his bruised insides. The ork's massive cock had caused a large degree of internal damage, and Eduardo was close to passing out from blood loss and fear. If his squad didn't find him soon, Eduardo knew that he would soon die. His poor plasma gun discharged into the floor one final time, overheating from a mix of pleasure and agonizing pain.

The Space Marine had been a good fuck for Gurk, but he needed something special to truly finish. Gurk's heavy balls drew up close to his body, and he felt himself tensing, about to cum. As Gurk's thick semen roiled up out of his cock and into Eduardo's battered body, the ork slammed his powerful hands shut around the Marine's neck. With a vicious jerk up and back, the ork crushed the Marine's windpipe and vertebrae, swiftly ending his life. Eduardo's anus clamped shut around Gurk's cock, the painful tightness almost causing the ork to pass out.

Gurk roared out as he climaxed in the dead Marine, his beautiful green cock pumping load after load of thick ork jizzum into Eduardo's lower intestine. The ork pulled out as Eduardo's anus slowly relaxed, releasing Gurk's cock with a wet sucking sound. Gurk used the sleeve of the Marine's uniform to wipe the thick scum of blood, shit and cum from his swiftly withering ork meat. With a satisfied grunt, Gurk walked slowly away from the Marine.

Eduardo's corpse lay cooling on the floor of the tanker, the charred remnants of his uniform stained dark with the foul fluids of both the ork and himself.

Squad broken.

Fuck You, Naru

YOU KNOW WHAT NARU? FUCK YOU! YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, YOU GOD DAMNED WHORE, I SAID IT! IT'S CUNTS LIKE YOU WHO MAKE GUYS LIKE KEITARO THE WAY HE IS, A COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING PUSSY! I CAN'T STAND ANIME GIRLS LIKE YOU! A GUY COMES UP AND SHOWS INTEREST IN YOU AND YOU JUST BRUSH HIM OFF BECAUSE YOU THINK HE'S BEING PERVERTED AND THEN WHEN HE GOES OFF TO START A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND YOU GET ALL OFFENDED AND DEFENSIVE THINKING "WHY IS HE TALKING TO HER?" AND THEN YOU AIM THAT JEALOUSY MORE AT KEITARO AND YOU CONFUSE HIM EVEN MORE! GODDAMN YOU NARU, AND IF THAT DOESN'T MAKE THINGS WORSE KEITARO HAS GENUINE ACCIDENTS THAT END UP IN HILARIOUS SITUATIONS AND YOU FUCKING BUTT IN AND PUNCH HIM OR GIVE HIM SOME UNDUE SHIT. I KNOW YOU MARRIED HIM AT THE END OF THE SERIES BUT I HOPE KEITARO WAKES UP ONE DAY FUCKING TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT AND LEAVES YOUR BITCH ASS HAVING TO TURN TRICKS TO PAY OFF STUDENT LOANS AT TOKYO U WHILE HE’S RUN OFF HAVING A THREESOME WITH MUTSUMI AND KANAKO, AND HELL I BET ADULT KAOLLA AND FUCKING SHINOBU WILL BE THERE SINCE YOU KEPT FUCKING UP THEIR CHANCES WITH KEITARO. HAVE FUN GIVING HAND JOBS BEHIND THE JAPANESE 7-11 DURING THE DAY AND CRYING YOURSELF TO SLEEP AT NIGHT KNOWING THAT THE ONE TRUE MAN YOU EVER LOVED, OR FOR THAT MATTER EVER TRULY LOVED YOU NO MATTER HOW SHORT A TIME IT WAS, IS GONE AND YOU WILL DIE ALONE! AND WHEN DEATH COMES BREATHING DOWN YOUR FUCKING NECK, YOU CUM GUZZLING DUMPSTER WHORE, I HOPE THE GRIM REAPER TAKES YOU SCREAMING AND PLEADING TO THE VERY DARKEST BLACKEST DEPTHS OF THE HELL YOU CREATED FOR YOURSELF AND YOU SAMPLE THE TORMENT YOU PUT KEITARO THROUGH FOR ALL ETERNITY!

Fuck You, Orochimaru

YOU KNOW WHAT OROCHIMARU? FUCK YOU! YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, YOU GOD DAMNED WHORE, I SAID IT! IT'S SLUTS LIKE YOU WHO MAKE GUYS LIKE SASUKE THE WAY HE IS, A COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING PUSSY! I CAN'T STAND ANIME GUYS LIKE YOU! A GUY COMES UP AND SHOWS INTEREST IN YOU AND YOU JUST BRUSH HIM OFF BECAUSE YOU THINK HE'S BEING PERVERTED AND THEN WHEN HE GOES OFF TO START A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND YOU GET ALL OFFENDED AND DEFENSIVE THINKING "WHY IS HE TALKING TO HIM?" AND THEN YOU AIM THAT JEALOUSY MORE AT NARUTO AND YOU CONFUSE HIM EVEN MORE! GODDAMN YOU OROCHIMARU, AND IF THAT DOESN'T MAKE THINGS WORSE SASUKE HAS GENUINE ACCIDENTS THAT END UP IN HILARIOUS SITUATIONS AND YOU FUCKING BUTT IN AND PUNCH HIM OR GIVE HIM SOME UNDUE SHIT. I KNOW YOU TURNED HIM AGAINST EVERYONE AT THE END OF THE SERIES BUT I HOPE SASUKE WAKES UP ONE DAY FUCKING TIRED OF YOUR BULLSIT AND LEAVES YOUR WHORE ASS HAVING TO TURN TRICKS TO PAY OFF ITACHI AT THE OTHER HIDDEN VILLAGES WHILE HE’S RUN OFF HAVING A THREESOME WITH SAKURA AND INO, AND HELL I BET ADULT HINATA AND FUCKING KIBA WILL BE THERE SINCE YOU KEPT FUCKING UP THEIR CHANCES WITH TEMARI. HAVE FUN GIVING HAND JOBS BEHIND THE VILLAGE OF THE HIDDEN LEAVES DURING THE DAY AND CRYING YOURSELF TO SLEEP AT NIGHT KNOWING THAT THE ONE TRUE MAN YOU EVER LOVED, OR FOR THAT MATTER EVER TRULY LOVED YOU NO MATTER HOW SHORT A TIME IT WAS, IS GONE AND YOU WILL DIE ALONE! AND WHEN DEATH COMES BREATHING DOWN YOUR FUCKING NECK, YOU DUMPSTER WHORE, I HOPE THE GRIM REAPER TAKES YOU SCREAMING AND PLEADING TO THE VERY DARKEST BLACKEST DEPTHS OF THE HELL YOU CREATED FOR YOURSELF AND YOU SAMPLE THE TORMENT YOU PUT SASUKE THROUGH FOR ALL ETERNITY!

I'M KOREAN. AMERICAN IS PIG!

I'M KOREAN

SON OF A BITCH AMERICAN

AMERICAN IS PIG

DO YOU WANT A HAMBURGER?

DO YOU WANT A PIZZA?

AMERICAN IS PIG DISGUSTING

GEORGE WALKER BUSH IS A MURDERER

FUCKING U.S.A

SOY ESPAÑOL. AMERICANO ES CERDO!

SOY ESPAÑOL

HIJO DE PUTA AMERICANO

AMERICANO ES CERDO

QUIERES UNA HAMBURGUESA?

QUIERES UNA PIZZA?

AMERICANO ES CERDO REPUGNANTE

GEORGE WALKER BUSH ES UN ASESINO

PUTA U.S.A.

Sony v. Nintendo

The DS and the PSP were released at about the same time. The PSP promised great games with superior graphics and media capabilities. The DS promised great games. At first, the PSP vastly outsold the DS. But soon, it became noticed that the PSP would not deliver on it´s promises and the inclusion of great games to the DS library blew the PSP out of the water.

The Wii and the PS3 were released at about the same time. The PS3 promised great games with superior graphics and media capabilities. The Wii promised great games and ´innovation´. At first, the Wii vastly outsold the PS3. But soon, it became noticed that the Wii would not deliver on it´s promises and the inclusion of great games to the PS3 library like ____ and ____ blew the Wii out of the water.

Religion

So, /b/. Here's the situation...

As you probably know, millions of Christian Fundies/Evangelicals in the US today are preaching that the biblical prophecies of Revelation are being fulfilled every day (Israel, nukes, Iraq war, etc.), and that it's only a matter of time before Christians are raptured into Heaven and God pwns the world in preparation for Jesus' final face-off with the Antichrist.

According to these same people we have no clear idea when the Rapture and Armageddon/The Milennium will occur- we only know that they are coming soon. In the eyes of these people there is no need to care for the environment, enact long-standing economic reform or commit resources to peacekeeping efforts around the world, since such efforts will be ultimately useless when Jesus comes back and the end of the world starts.

And perhaps most strikingly, Anonymous, these same people preach that we, the "wayward liberal youth" of the technological age, will be subject to God's wrath for our lack of Christian conduct and faith (especially you Eurofags. Enjoy your Antichrist politicians).

...I guess what I'm trying to ask, Anonymous, is this: Am I the only one who is amused, horrified, and pissed off all at the same time by these Christians' rampant douchebaggery?

Chet the Predator

Disclaimer: This is not copy pasta, its a real event, picture so related it hurts

I'm 26 years old, single, and live by myself while finishing up college. I spend the majority of my time playing video games, reading books, playing basketball, and looking at internet porn and cp. Thats all good, and my life has been just great doing those things until 3 weeks ago. Every sunday I load my dog and an ice chest full of beers into my van and drive down to this nature area on the outskirts of town but still in the middle of a residential area. I play ball, walk the dog, and then open up my van and sit in the door way reading or listening to radio and drinking brew. This is usually a very quite part of town and no one is ever around so I can just chill out. Up until 3 weeks ago I was happy with this and then something happened. Somewhere in the nearby residential area, a new family moved in, including a very cute 13 year old girl. Three Sundays ago she happened to be riding by on her bike, with a little puppy following her. Well the dogs decided to go bonkers and she ended up sitting in my van talking to me for 30 minutes about her dog, family, and moving in. Wow? I thought so too...but she went home....all over...life back to normal right?

Not so lucky, next Sunday, I'm chilling, here she comes again rolling up on her bike with a loose pair of navy blue cheer shorts on. When she pulled up next to my van and put her legs on the ground to steady herself, the shorts popped open so everything underneath was visible to me, she had on some kinda lacy pink thong that didn't fully cover one of her lips. This gave me a boner on the spot. She had her dog with her and said she liked talking to me last week and saw me over here so she was going to let her dog play for awhile. She stayed an hour and talked about how she lives with her foster parents, worried about new school, getting on cheer squad...stuff like that. This drives me wild, everytime she smiles and giggles it makes my balls tingle and anus pucker. She now comes back every week including today, and I'm sure she will be back next week. I just dont know what to do. This girl has uprooted my normally solitary life of internet perversions and thrust herself right in the middle of it. I'm going to have to make a move next Sunday. I have two options as I see it: (a) kiss her, see what happens (b) throw her in the van and drive off (c) do B if A fails, I'm not sure what I'll do but I'll keep you guys posted, and whatever does happen, I'll have pics and video for sure. My name is Chet and I'm about to become a predator.

First time at the gas station

My first time at the gas station-

I pulled in to the gas station just as my car gave a final gulp of breath while shutting off from thirst. I gave a small smirk as I reached in my pocket and fingered the twenty dollar bill crumpled there. I knew this would be a very enjoyable stop. Next to the pump, I slowly undo the latch on my car, letting out a damp puff of air as the lid opens, revealing the dark, wet hole to the engine. My hand goes for the pump, ripping it forcefully from the stand, jerking the handle ever so hungrily. Slowly, ever so slowly, I slide the nozzle into the gas tank, the grimy sound of metal rubbing against metal filling my ears. I constricted my grip around the handle. A low cough of gears churning inside the pump, and I feel the gas start to come. Yellowish, clear liquid with a very potent stench flows through the pump's tube and gushes into my tank. The car sort of settles into place as the liquid slowly fills it's tank. And just as it really started to begin, it ends. I pull out the nozzle, fresh juice still dripping from the end. The hatch to the tank slides closed ever so smooth, and I pay the $20. I can't wait until next time.

BILBO BAGGINS

In the middle of the earth in the land of the Shire lives a brave little hobbit whom we all admire. With his long wooden pipe, fuzzy, woolly toes, he lives in a hobbit-hole and everybody knows him

Bilbo (Bilbo) Bilbo Baggins He's only three feet tall Bilbo (Bilbo) Bilbo Baggins The bravest little hobbit of them all

Now hobbits are peace-lovin' folks you know They don't like to hurry and they take things slow They don't like to travel away from home They just want to eat and be left alone But one day Bilbo was asked to go on a big adventure to the caves below, to help some dwarves get back their gold that was stolen by a dragon in the days of old.

Bilbo (Bilbo) Bilbo Baggins He's only three feet tall Bilbo (Bilbo) Bilbo Baggins The bravest little hobbit of them all

Well, he fought with the goblins He battled a troll!! He riddled with Gollum!!! A magic ring he stole!!! He was chased by wolves, Lost in the forest, Escaped in a barrel from the elf-king's halls!!!!!!!

Bilbo (Bilbo) Bilbo Baggins The bravest little hobbit of them all

Now he's back in his home in the land of the Shire, that brave little hobbit whom we all admire, just sittin' on a treasure of silver and gold puffin' on his pipe in his hobbit-hole.

Bilbo (Bilbo) Bilbo Baggins He's only three feet tall Bilbo (Bilbo) Bilbo Baggins The bravest little hobbit of them all

Masturbating to Yaoi

Part 1

File:Yaoiwtfmanwtfoa7.jpg
Accompanies post: http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/6161/yaoiwtfmanwtfoa7.jpg


Dear /b/,

I have a problem, I'm so pissed off at myself. It all started 3 hours ago while my girlfriend was taking a shower. She watches alot of anime/hentai and well.. loves it.

What I usually end up doing while she takes a shower is looking at her collection, and masturbating a bit, cause she loves it when she walks back to her room and sees my dick hard.

So I find a picture of some hot girls dressed in a gothic lolita dress and start jacking off. Unfortunately her 40 minutes shower turned to a 10 minute one and she opens the door to find me looking at this.

Now the problem isn't that she saw me masturbating, but the fact that she screamed at me and said "What the fuck are you doing looking at yaoi for?"

Incase you don't know.. yaoi is girl porn. I then told her "What?! I'm not gay" And she says "Those are guys dressed in girl's clothes with make up on!"

She then told me to get dressed and get out of her place. She later texted me telling me "Don't come back here until your a man"

God /b/. why the hell do they make this type of stuff...

(pic related)

Part 2: A few minutes later

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!! Ok I just called her and she hung up. fuck

Heres how it went:

Her: What! Me: Listen baby, I didn't know they were guys. Seriously they look like girls. Her: They are guys (my name). Guys (my name). Why were you masturbating anyway? huh! Me: Baby, I know you love it when I have a hard on after you finish your shower, so I was just looking at the stuff Her: So my body doesn't turn you on anymore is that it?! Me: Wut. no, I'm not saying that! Her: You clearly could have looked at pictures of my on the laptop, but you decide to look at yaoi instead huh? Me: what the hell (hangs up)

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.........................

FUCK!!!!

GAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Portals

Dear /b/,

I went on a second date with a chick I really liked tonight. At the end of the date, I didn’t take any chance I had to kiss her. So we were driving back home in separate cars (she lives close to me, but she was came from a friends house to meet me at the restaurant) I realized that I was a dumb ass for not taking the chance. I decided to make a chance and be really spontaneous. I was going to race ahead to her house, wait for her drive up, run out of the car and kiss her. So I pull the corner to see her house and SHE THOUGHT WITH PORTALS! She was already there, out of the car, and the garage door was closing! Despite me being ahead of her the whole time!

So I ask, /b/, how do -I- think with portals?

Gaiafag Copypastas

1

u /b/ losers are worthless u all no that gaians are better cause we are smarter than u we actually have smart posts and stuff we are senistive enough to talk bout our feelings

2

/b/tards are all just fucking idiots that sit behind their computers acting like they own the fucking world. But they only act like this BEHIND a desk, with a keyboard in their hands. They suck at life, they can't do anything they talk about here in real life, and worst of all, they think they're better than Gaia. WTF? This board is the worst thing to happen to the internet in its entire history, and most of the people on here are idiots. "A place for smart people to act stupid"? My ass, you all go here to do things you're afraid to do in public.

3

its amazing the types of people everywheres, and there eaisy to classify. the idiots in /b/ bash gaians for being different. why do they do this. because they think its cool. gaians dont care about what yall think, you know this, there for you bash them because they wont say anything about it. your all pussys, afraid of looking different. you all think your uber cool because you have pictures ZOMG the pictars, why not bash people who will retailate and not pick fights with people who could really care less about you /b/tards and ill tell the truith im all over 4chan and i gaia hell gaias open in another tab right now. thers nothing wrong with gaia..thoe now i seem to think you /b/tards are just big pussys

4

/b/tards hate gaiafags because they hate everything. Especially themselves. Don't worry about it, the really people on here don't hate you guys. I think the avatars are pretty cool and unique. The only reason why I don't join gaia is because I love forced anon to death. Login names just suck. Anyways, to all the gaiatards out there trying to find a place in /b/: you have my blessing.

How To Treat Your Woman

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).

3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for wussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words "**** you" and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "…because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold…and not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. Guys always find stuff like that funny…why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things (like basketball).

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way, she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order, interrupt and say "no, she's not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it (but not a sexy cologne smell…a bad smell. You know what I'm talking about).

21. When it's raining, keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say "no, it's just the rain." Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her that material objects arent important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much, but guys think it's funny.

26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Don't call

No More Porn

see Anon Gives up CP

Addendum

Even though the main driving force behind my decision was my feelings of disgust towards myself, there is an element of care and compassion for the kids depicted in CP.

Here's the thing: I have a niece. She is a spoiled brat and annoying as hell, but I love her and I'd do anything for her. Whenever I would look at CP before my first "revelation" [or break down... whichever one you prefer to describe the experience as], I would disassociate myself from the kids depicted in the pics and vids as just sexual symbols for my self-gratification...

But after my initial "experience" I realized that these kids do exist. They are more than porn. They are people who have been abused and coerced... And by the same acts of some sick freak, that anyone, including my niece could be the target of such advances. And, I think that that was one of the things that pushed me towards my decision more recently.

Abandoned House

Sup /b/.

There's this abandoned house a mile down the street from mine. used to be an old folks' home.

I used to go down there all the time, to steal wood, etc.

This time, I decided to go down there and spraypaint everything...

I went in the house as usual, and got out my spray paint can. I immediately went to work. I wrote a crapload of things, here's a list of what I can remember:

"(my name) RULES" about 3 times "DESU DESU DESU" everywhere. A picture of Longcat with "Longcat is LOOOONG" A picture of Cell's lazer with "SHOOP DA WOOP" "It's not lupus" "Kilroy was here" "OMGWTF" "4chan rules"

Anyway, I was just getting out of paint when I decided to leave. I got on my bike, thinking (no seriously, this is what I was thinking): Wow, that was cool. Good thing there aren't any cops around here... there's no way I'd get pulled over for this.

And then I heard a AAAAAAAAAK. A police car swerved into the gravel shoulder where I was riding and I stopped. Apparently, there had been a complaint from the person who lives next door to the house and the police came out to investigate, on the one day I had actually painted. The officer asked my name, etc, and told me not to do it again.THis was pretty awesome, he didn't arrest me or yell at me or tall my parents, whatever. I could just bike home.

But he said I couldn't come back to the house again... even to take a picture of my spray-paint ownage...

And then I finally got home and THE GEAR ON MY BIKE CRACKED IN HALF.

Ugh

Gay Furry Son

Sup /b/

I come here with a question, about my own son. He'll be 16 in August, and me and my wife are very worried about him...

He's gay, and he has an online relationship with a 20-year-old in Virginia, and he's very open about it...it makes me quite ashamed that I have a gay son, and to make it worse, he's into some fandom called "furry" and I've seen pictures of it...it's vile and disgusting.

Me and my wife don't know what to do. We've punished him numerous times, but he won't give it up. We've taken assorted things from him such as a dog collar he insists on wearing and even an animal dildo. (Jesus Christ)

What should I do, /b/?

pic related, it's him at a very young age, before he came out

in b4 pooper, barrel roll, etc.

My Sister Got Fired

/b/. I feel pretty bad.

I pretty much got my sister fired from her job. You see, I got her in the 4chonz and we spout memes to each other on a regular basis. Anyway, she recently got a job as a lifeguard in one of the local hotels in the area and they were doing some maintainance on the pool or some shit and this family comes by and asks if they can come in the pool and she says "Sorry, Pools Closed... Due to AIDS."

They were black.

They did not find it funny.

She got fired the next day.

Strange Gay-Straight Threesome

So I have three friends. One's Evan, the other Doug, and a girl Jane.

Evan is gay. Doug was molested ages eleven through fifteen by a man. He avoided the molestation during a brief relationship with a girl that ended some time ago. Doug has stated many times he likes gay sex, goes on gay chat cams and the like. He hasn't really done much with a girl and his experience with a guy has been limited to the molester from our understanding.

Jane and Doug are extremely close. Their relationship reflects a mother-son relationship and is actually somewhat creepy to witness. He must hold her when they go out and doesn't go places with us without her. He is extremely dependent on her.

Evan and Doug started hooking up just recently. We all have sleepovers and they do stuff. It's happened three or four times. The relations are kept secret and Doug doesn't say anything to anyone. Evan has told us though. You wouldn't be able to tell they hooked up unless Evan tells you.

Just yesterday Doug was hitting on Jane and Doug made out with her. Jane was not all up for it but allowed it just because it was so shocking and sudden. Later on during that sleepover, Doug and Evan started to hand job. Doug and Evan were on the bed and Jane and I were on the floor. During the hook up, Doug would hold hands with Jane. As Jane noticed what Evan and Doug were doing she moved her hand and Doug began to caress her hair. Evan and Doug continued to hook up with Evan being unaware of what Doug was doing. As things progressed and got more intense Doug would squeeze Jane's hand tighter. Doug would make extended eye contact with Jane as Evan gave a blowjob.

What the hell does this mean?

Dad likes me

/b/ I have a problem. Don't even start with the tits or gtfo, I'm not doing any "sup /b/?" stuff tonight. And yes, this is ACTUALLY a picture of me that my friend took a few weeks ago. So don't even start. I'm 18. I was in the swimming pool tonight at my parents' house, and my dad got in, and he started like chasing me around. Ok, we used to do that when I was a little kid, no problem.. but I'm all grown up now and it's kind of creepy. he would like corner me and then "tickle" me and kind of feel me up and touch me all over, but not make anything of it. he would act like it was unintentional. but he DEFINITELY touched my breasts more than once. I kind of just shrugged it off and figured he was just playing around, but he's like almost 40 years older than me. He sort of stopped for a while but then started chasing me around again, and he put his arms around me and bear-hugged me and i went underwater and I was pressed up against him and he had an erection! he was hard and it was NOT hard to feel through just swimming trunks underwater. I don't know what to do. I DON'T like my dad like that, but I'm afraid he has the hots for me...

Disturbing pooping habits

My friend has one of the most DISTURBING, DISGUSTING pooping habits ever.

This kid I know weighs 450 pounds and is morbidly obese. I'm surprised he hasn't died from it yet. He's only 17. A few of my friends and I went over to his to keep him company since his parents were out of town. He wanted someone to play PS3 with him so we were happy to oblige.

Around 20 minutes into a game of Resistance, the kid goes "i'll be right back, i gotta take a crap." and walks off. I noticed he grabbed a large bucket, which I found strange. What happened next disgusted me beyond all reason.

From the bathroom, I heard a large roar, like a beast of some sort. I asked one of my friends who knows the fat kid a lot better than I do what was going on. His response still haunts me to this day:

"He takes a bucket to the bathroom with him because the smell always makes him puke. All the crusty shit and ass sweat caught in the folds of his fat have been decaying for months because he can't clean himself. As soon as he drops his pants, the shit/sweat stench fills the bathroom and he begins throwing up."

Dance

I need some help, fast! I just got back from my last school dance, and holy crap, I cant believe what I did. I went to the dance with my friend Emily, we just went as friends, I didn't realize she wanted more. I picked her up at her house, I couldn't believe what she was wearing, the sluttiest thing I've ever seen, a shirt that was transparent, and a skirt that was basically a line across her thigh, now I normally wouldn't complain about something like this, but this was my best friend, and i didn't feel right seeing that, but anyway, we got to the dance, we danced for awhile, but then the DJ played a song that will now forever remain embedded into my head, the song was duality by slipknot, as soon as this song came on, me and Emily began to dance faster, and she started rubbing up against me and dancing dirty.

I was absolutely appalled by her behavior, so I instinctively moved back and slapped her in the face, she immediately retaliated, slapping me, and saying "what the fuck is your problem" very loudly. now, everyone on the dance floor was staring at us, and i didn't know what to do. I stood there, the awkward silence growing, when I realized that there was only one thing to do, so I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and there was a dice in the mirror, if anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I though "nah forget it, Yo home for Bel-Air!" I pulled, up to a house about 7 or 8 and i yelled to the cabby "yo home smell ya later" looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne, as the prince of Bel-Air!

Girl gamer

Hey /b/, I'm a girl gamer.

No I'm not fat. No I won't make you a sandwich. No I'm not ugly. Yes I do go out with guy gamers, because we've got something fun in common. Yes my boyfriend is a bit of a geek, so what? No I won't show you my tits, so don't fucking ask.

And finally.

Yes, we do fucking exist, so stop saying otherwise. And we enjoy games (SHOCK HORROR) just as much as men.

Gender Swap

The other day, I had to watch my 12 year old cousin for the night. She is the cutest little loli I have ever seen, but I didn't realize that would be a problem for me. anyway, when her parents left at around 8:30, she was already in bed. For some reason, the thought of this little innocent girl sleeping in a house that only her and I were in aroused me extremely. I waited for the parents to be completely out of sight, and then headed up to her room to watch her sleep. honestly, that was my only intention, but what happened next felt so natural. I watched her for about 10 minutes, the entire time, slowly stroking away at my ridiculously hard cock, when I just couldn't stand it anymore. I creeped over to her bed, and moved her blanket aside, she was wearing nothing but a pair of soft pink panties, the sight of her delicious flat chest was too beautiful for me to handle, I was blinded by my desires. I slowly and very carefully removed his boxers, revealing the cutest little prepubescent penis I had ever lain eyes upon. Very gently, I stroked the tip of it, and it immediately stood up to attention. By this point, I was just about at orgasm, I had been masturbating the entire time. I eventually wound up giving him a blowjob, but not for too long because I couldn't hold it much longer, after a few minutes,I pulled his boxers back up and put the blanket back on, and moved to the end of his bed, dick in hand, ready to finally let out my load. And it was the most intense orgasm I ever experienced, it went right in his face. Afterwards, I pulled up my pants, went into the kitchen, ate a cup of yogurt, and put the empty cup next to his bed, and the spoon in his hand.

About /b/ and copypasta

Gaiafags

Here's the point. Anyone trying to prove that they're "a real live /b/tard" just proves further that they're a gaiafag.

I've been here for years and still don't know what the O in GTFO stands for. That doesn't make me any less of a /b/tard.

The problem is that so many people try to get "/b/ in a bottle". It's happened with forums, IRC, real life. ANd that's why ED sucks. Because /b/ is about the atmosphere. Picking up a bunch of old memes and memorizing them does not make you a /b/tard. Being cold, callous, and uncaring does not make you a /b/tard, but it comes close.

A /b/tard is a complex amalgamation of sloth, avarice, gluttony, pride, wrath, envy, and complete apathy.

You can't describe it. Anyone who does deserves to be shot.

Apples and Milk: The Emily Connor Saga

Apples and Milk: The Emily Connor Saga.

Hello, my name is Toshiro Fujiwara, I live in Tokyo. I have for you a very interesting story.

I was at the airport wishing my mother and sister safe travel to Hawaii. I stood at the departure gates and watched as they dissapeared into the growing crowds of people. I turned to leave and saw a nervous white girl standing, looking around like she had lost track of someone. I am nice so I approached her and asked what was wrong in my best english. "Hello, you are lost yes?".

She almost laughed, "Yeah, sorta, I think my Taxi never showed up, I've been here for an hour!" I paused. "Hmm, I can give you ride, madam" I stuttered. I was not very threatening, a small skinny Jap wou could be overpowered by the elderly, I dont think she felt threatened by me saying this.

"Sure, oh, I speak Japanese". She contorted her face into a smile.

I then started to speak to her in Japanese as I led her to the parking lot. "Where are you from?" I asked. She replied "USA, Florida". I knew not of where Florida was, but it sounded mysterious and foreign to me. "Do you have a place to stay?" I then asked.

"No, not yet." She replied. "My name is Emily". "Emiry" I thought, a pretty name.

I mentioned that my father owned a big hotel in Tokyo, and offered to take her there. She accepted, and I opened my car doors with the key. "Put the bags in the back, there is a very big trunk!". She began to hoist the suitcases into the trunk. "I wish I had some junk in my trunk." I didnt know what to say to that. "Uh, small buts are fine too". She blushed and giggled. As we got in the car she sat down in the passenger side and immediately let out a huge yawn. "Tired?" I asked. She nodded and closed her eyes. I took the time to glance at her supple breasts. B cup I would estimate, that's large for Japan.

I started the engine and off we went to the hotel.

We were in front of the hotel, in a VIP parking spot. It was not nighttime. She was asleep. "Wake up!" I yelled quietly. She didnt wake, so I moved my hand over to touch her shoulder. She jumped, and grabbed my hand with both arms. It was an awkward moment, I felt her warm hands grasping my cold wrists. She slid her hands slightly down my arm, and I almost felt a sensation in my penis. She let go. "Sorry..." she said solemnly. I nodded. We both opened the doors and went to the trunk to grab the luggage.

She hoisted her big briefcase over her back, and bent down to carry it up the stairs. I followed with a smaller package. I watched her butt up ahead, it was so fine. I knew I needed to get her in bed.

I saw my brother at the reception desk. I waved and he pointed at the girl. "Oh, she is a friend from USA, needs a room." My brother smiled. "The upper suite is vacant now, that fat Canadian guy left this morning, it's been cleaned." She continued to the elevator and I looked back at my brother. He winked, and I winked back.

We finally made it to the 80th floor where the suite was. There was a beautiful view of Tokyo here, I had never appreciated the view at night. "Wow... it's romantic hehe" she giggled as she dropped her suitcase. I shut the door and we both walked over to the huge windows to admire the city. "Yup, this is where I live" I said. I couldnt take the tension any longer. I put my arm over her shoulder, and she giggled and blushed. "I thought I'd have to ask for stuff like this" she said. "Nah, it's mutual." I looked into her eyes. She dove into my face and began to furiously kiss my. I felt my dick filling up. I slowly manuevered her to the bed, and pushed her down. I pulled my T-shirt off, and she took off hers. I tried to get on top of her but she then pushed me off to the side, then leapt on top. "I like it here better" she giggled as she straddled me. I felt her warmth across my midsection as she undid her bra. She pulled my pants off, and then hers. My raging boner stuck through my boxers as she took off her panties. Slowly she mounted my dick, I felt the warmth blanketing my dick. Up, down, up, down, in, out, in, out...

Then there was a knock at the door, and it opened. "Where the Yanqui girl at?" Someone shouted. It was my father.

We both froze, and I saw him come into view. He stood staring at us, but then began to unbutton his shirt. "If your mother is away, a Yanqui is fine too." He bellowed. Emiry started to blush and my father pounced on the bed like an animal. "My son, you have seen me naked many time before, do not be ashamed, we both seek pleasure. Emily seemed uncomfortable as my father grabbed her waist. In one move he drove his cock into her butt and Emiry grimaced and put her head down. I was worried, but then she put her head back up and I saw she was smiling again. "That was pretty intense" she remaked with a giggle, and my father started thrusting. I then took the other end and put my cock in her mouth. Back and forth we pushed her like a two handed saw.

Then the door opened again, now with lots of footsteps. My father smiled, but I was nervious.

I then saw that it was my brother, and he had brought about 10 of his friends froms school. They were visibly drunk and louder than I've ever heard them. Emiry looked shocked but my father and I continued to push her between us. My brother and his friends were hopping around, quickly taking off all their clothes. When they were butt naked they leaped on the bed until it was covered with bodies. Those who could not get a footing on the bed stood around. They all started furiously masterbating, to the point where it was very noisy with the sound of lotioned stroking. Emiry started to sqeal. Her body was getting tight. We contintued to thrust back and forth until her entire body spasmed and she let out a muffled scream of pleasure. I then cummed down her throat, and she stood back from my dick and looked at the ceiling licking her lips. Within seconds my brothers friends had all came to climax, and they shot their juice all over her face and chest. She was thourghly frosted from the waist up in cum, as more began to splash on her like a sprinkler. She tried to wipe her eyes clear of the layers of milky semen, but my father grabbed her arms, came around in front of her and delivered the final squirt right between the eyes. She fell over backwards on the bed and we all stood around the bed looking at her, giggling.

"Welcome" said my father. "Welcome, to Japan".

About /b/

There is no way to describe /b/. Or 4chan. Any attempt by an outsider to describe us will completely miss the point. And I get where you're coming from because I was once there myself.

I've been here for years, but when I'm asked to describe /b/ I'm at a loss for words.

To truly understand what it is like here, you must stay for at least a month. It's not about the memes, it's about the apathy, the hatred, and the intentional stupidity.

The Internet (despite what people say) is not taken seriously by a /b/tard. In real life, I smile and wave to people, I say thank you. But on 4chan, I discard my morality. I encourage people to commit suicide. I call respected members of the black community niggers and say that the Jews did the World Trade center.

So, my friend, you would to best simply to say we are being assholes for the hell of it. Because the Internet is not serious business.

Also, I know I'm going to get flamed up the asshole for this, but fuck off.

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